Letters to My Younger Self: Florence Ukapbi Okwusogu
Dear Younger Self,
It seems to be customary that when people write letters to their younger selves offering a piece of crucial advice it is often to “follow your gut”, “trust yourself” or “love yourself more”. These are all great and I believe very true but also incomplete.
You see, I've been thinking and as you know
You see, I've been thinking and as you know, we do that quite a bit and I realised that if there was only one piece of advice, I could give you it would be to stop living life reactively. I know right now you may not even realise that is what you are doing but left unchecked you will get to 35 and discover that you’ve been doing just that.
When I talk about living reactively, what I am referring to is living in such a way that your actions and behaviours are the results of being triggered. Living reactively occurs when you have experienced hurt, trauma, emotional crises or are more emotionally sensitive for whatever reason so that it becomes a coping mechanism to keep yourself safe.
I know it can be a big ask to say stop doing something when it is done from a place of self-preservation so I’m not going to say that, what I will say is that it is important to recognise that whilst in the short-term reactivity can make you feel safer, in the long run, it can become unhelpful habits that prevent you from living the life you truly desire.
Over the years you have discovered that living reactively can decrease your ability to think creatively, problem-solve, take positive actions, see opportunities, and take risks because your focus is so narrowed on survival. Coping mechanisms are short-term fixes and not long-term solutions to the craziness of life, that is why to move forward in the way you desire, it becomes important to deal with the underlying issues.
This journey of letting go and re-aligning cannot be rushed, I am still on it and I have found that the best teacher is life.
I cannot say to you to do this or that differently as that would be to take away from the lessons that life has for you, and I would not be the person I am today writing this letter to you if not for each of these experiences. But I write these words because if I could save you a little bit of pain or help you get there a bit more quickly then, I do not see that as a bad thing.
This journey of letting go and re-aligning cannot be rushed
I know that you want to live life as fully as you can, you hold that power, so to start with, let your life be the result of aligned actions that flow out of intention rather than reactivity.
With love from the future,
Florence
Florence Ukapbi Okwusogu
Florence Okwusogu (née Ukpabi) is passionate about helping people reconnect to their most authentic selves to create lives of increased happiness, empowerment, and purpose. She is a life-long learner and educationalist and draws upon her background in psychology and mental health in addition to her qualifications in Integrative counselling, Cognitive Hypnotherapy and NLP. She is currently completing a master's in Applied Positive Psychology and Coaching Psychology which she believes will take her work to a deeper level.
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“Florence was a huge encouragement as my form tutor back in college and was significant voice of wisdom in my formative years. I want to thank you for being you and again sharing your experience and wisdom with us all.”
Dear reader,
What is the one thing you would tell your younger self? - Let us know in the comments section.”
Nathan L. McGuire
